Catching up....
well, not really good news.
Last week I went way off the wagon, so far that I began to eat for entertainment.
It started with a dinner from Balfor with the other franchisees, so I indulged. Great steak, flowing wine, etc.
But I kept eating.
I know why- it is purely frustation. This is so dumb. I get frustrated with people in my life and eat. When will I figure this out?
I think it is how I am wired. I will never forget my old friend LB who never would eat until her house and kids were calm. She was so thin. But she also told me she was not a 'huggy' kind of person. Even her own child.
So, I guess I am thankful for the warmness I have in relationships. But if all relationships don't measure up I turn to food. The two edge sword.
I think a lot of it is guilt. People aren't the way I think they should be so I take it personally. If I was a better person I could change them. They aren't bad enough to be bad, but just incredibly frustrating. How to live on a daily basis and feel happy, warm, and secure instead of having to put up walls because I am constantly being hurt and usually they don't even know they are huriting me. Argh.
I am praying through a consecration to Mary, I will turn this over to her as well.
And I know my sons are watching. They are very intuitive. I have had confirmation in so many of my thought through them. How do I handle this? With love? Selflessness? They are watching.
As to food. Yes I like eating intuitviely, but often my intiion is askew as shown above.
I like MF but am at that point where my body is craving other food, too.
Will mix both, but need to help myself get used to portion size.
be more active.
When I am tired down, as son #1 says, just shake it off and keep going. Change my own mood. Will try that, too.
